inspiration...
so I just finished watching the movie doubt (excellent film btw) and there's a scene in it that got me thinking along with other occurences tonight, but we'll get there in due time.
in the movie the priest, in one of his sermons describes the scene of a woman seeking confession about gossiping. the priest tells the woman she's forgiven but to go home, stand on her roof and cut a pillow open then return to him the following day. she does as she is instructed and returns to the priest the next day. "what happened when you cut the pillow," he asked. "the feathers flew everywhere," she responded. "go home and clean up all of the feathers," the priest instructed. "I cannot, it is impossible,' she petitioned. "that is gossip!" the priest returned.
this got me thinking, now gossip isn't my issue, but my issue has had a feather effect none the less. now I have been an asshole to the One and I am not happy with many of my actions while trying to deal with our break up. these actions however cut the pillow, and the feathers are the Ones friends whom she turned to when news of my craziness got back to her to express her hurt. I came to the realization today that until I convence her friends that im a good guy I am for ever the asshole who broke their friends heart. they have in turn bashed and beratted me in defense of their friends heart. I've even been given nicknames, the nicest of which and the only she will tell me about is "self-love."
now im left to try to clean up all of the feathers that I spread acting in immaturity, trying to deal with emotions I refused to acknowledge. now when I meet her friends its not just about making a good impression, its about making a good enough impression to erase all the badness they already feel toward me. not a daunting task but very tiring.
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