and we talk...

so i just had like one of the greatest conversations ever. it sucks that i wasnt't writing this while i was talking cause i'm sure i'm gonna miss something, omit some cetral point, have you thinking wtf did i just read once you reach the bottom of the page. and i know i said i was done writing about relationships but i must go back, and yes jo i know i should probably maybe just leave a lot of this alone, but i can't.

today i got perspective. i called seeking ways to be more disciplined in not seeking intimacy from the one. and although she's doing others things for she right now and we're not talking because of it, i still had questions because we weren't supposed to be doing what we were doing when we were doing it so what would make this different other than what i to do or not. sorry for the tangent, but like i was saying i got that bit of wisdom and so much more. talking with a married couple i def respect with all my heart i got a glimpse at what it means to walk as a unit plus all they offered me on my current situation.


the brought this idea up that i had never thought of, see me and the one stopped walkig in a relationship a while back because of a good number of reasons. one of those being that we weren't seeing eye to eye on some issues that wouldn't be issues for years but that we both held dear. i think we've both matured and our stance have changed in some places which is why i DO VERY MUCH believe we can work beautifully together now. all that said what the sages offered was two pronged.

on one end there is the notion that in realtionships we give into what the person we want to be with want often just to remain with this person...i was clear about that, but in it all what i had missed is that when you're in love with someone but you see a thing differently and ten their view of it changes, its up to you and in your honor and love for that person and what they want to take extra steps to make sure this change is of their own doing and not in an attempt to appease you. at the end of the day that'll lead to your partner feeling boxed in for all they gave up to be with you...not a good look.

on the other end is this concept from the prophet that relationships and marriage in particular two should are supposed to be harmonious...not one. it's divine that we do our separate things, but must also be cear and sure to remain on one accord throughout it. so in this example if you gotta be over there to do you and me way over here to do me, that might be best and that could still work. if with what i'm doig over here and what you're doing over there share a common goal...

to the one: if journeying the world is your hearts desire that is what i want for you. i cold not live with myself with the thought that i had kept you from your lifes goal because of my selfish desire and insecurities.

when it bowls down we must all do us and let the rest fall where it should. i'm 25 years old but can't date without it leading to a serious relationship...wtf is wrong with me? nothing i just need more perspective...did you know that grad school can take like 5-8 years and that much of that work is best done single? the selfish question is where does that put us, and that needs to be answered when the time is right, the selfless press is this, Babe...this is something you want, so GET IT, no if ands or buts about it, if it takes 10 years its what you want and what i want for you.

where i'm working at is the fact tat i've gotta be at piece with whichever way it falls. we may not be together, we may be together, who really knows? i know right now that i want to be with her with al of my heart and soul. i am in love with her. that doesn't necessarily mean that we should be together now or should be in the future...it is simply my truth, and my wish. giving it over to god now i guess, make it do what it do!!