A great big Pile-o-shit

Okay, I know what you're thinking, whats with the colors and pin name. well here it is. i've got a great big pile of shit where my romantic relationships should be. but clearly i've screwed up a lot of that.

so from the top you say, here it is.

i love this sister, i mean like i'm in love with her. i have been for a couple years now, but for the last say year or so i've been saying quite the opposite. cause after halfway dating then not dating for a while and then walking hard in a relationship we came to a breaking point and I decided to break. my ego bruised a ran like a dog with his tail between his legs after a hard defeat.

so from there to here i've piled up a whole lot of broken relationships and broken promises. and now that i realize that i still love she i gotta clean up this shit so that any hope of we can have a chance of blossoming.

so first there was #1. trying to maintain everyones secrecy. but um #1 was like cool, she was and still is cool as shit. as i do in these type deals we got close quick, too close too quick. and i lost in emotions i refused to admitt made plans for a future we that anyone could see would never happen. i mean at the core, really, it came like 7 weeks after a...let's say to year stint with the one so to convience my self that #1 was anything more than a rebound is a place were i'm still lying to myself. i mean rebound sounds so hurtful...but i guess it is. all in all like i was saying we got serious and with that had to take a break cause we were moving mad fast in that that break i got wind of some of those emotions i had bottled up for the one, and with them emotions for #1 faded into the back, leaving nothing but a steaming pile of poo where a broken heart still lies.

ok so before i got to cleaning any of that up or opening that bottle all the way came my first attempt a wilding out like all young mean are supposed to do, right? right? anyways nothing really came of that #2 was cool, but not here so the sex was just sex, nothing more, nothing less, so no real poo there past me being irresponsible...BAD Love Stuck!!!

from there we get to #3 and try nomero dos at wilding out, this time with someone who's here who i dug and all. little oral was all that amounted to, then my relationship swagger made her head for the hills. we chat every now and again, but all in all thats it. once again no shit left behind but irresponsible step #2 fa sho.

which brings us to #4...damn its already 6, i'll have to get back to this tomorrow...brb, well not really, but kind of...it'll all be one post so you'll never know...except for the fact that I just told ya...

Okay so #4 well this one came out of the blue, I mean I had met she's aquaintance a while back but judged she too hot and me a 6 at best I let thoughts of more exit stage left. Till she entered stage right and surprising to me was digging me. Now keep in mind through here I got a dog to try to fix my lonliness, sorry about the abeni, and subsequently gave her away to someone better equiped to handle the resposibility. A week later 4 come back around and I am smitten. Still judging my self not worthy I flirt with no eye of it working and to my surprise it does and she's digging me too. As things go we move to fast and I find myself somewhere im saying im not ready to be and begin my dance of bagging out of ambiguous places leaving pounds of poo in my wake. See although it was only a month at most #4 had begun to reconstruct her future on the premise of their being a we...saddly there will be now we and apparently in my expersion of this I broke her heart.

So now out of all that enough to see straight I open that jar of unsaid, unrealized emotions and what do I see but that im still in love with the one and for large part these other forrays into the hearts of 1 2 3 and 4 were all just in reaction to that. Funny how the heart and mind work against each other sometime, right?

At any rate im left with a pile of shit and now im passing shovels out to my friends so that I can tidy up and fix some things before the next which im hoping is that same she that began this emotional roller coaster...one can dream can't he?

At any rate time to bounce, till next time...much peace, much joy, much love